One Fantasy to Live
by Tera
Summary: A messed up FF8 story!
1. Default Chapter Title

One Fantasy to Live: Part One

We find our heros just after beating the mighty and Skanky Ultamecia. The future 

looked so bright what could have possibly gone wrong...

Secne one: Squall walks into the dormitory and finds a peice of paper left carlessly on his bed and picks it up.

My beloved Squall, please meet me at the [Secret area] inside of the [Training center] for a very special surprise.

_- your secret lover-_

_ _

Squall thought it was one of Rinoa's stupid games. So walked down to the training center.

Surprised to see Quistis lying on a bed of rose pedals, candles lit in the moonlight.

Dressed in a see through black lace Teddi. His mouth dropped open.

Quistis: Surprise surprise, come to teacher, Squally you've been a really bad boy.

(She rolled over and reached for her Save the Queen)

Squall: You needed to talk?

Just then Rinoa comes in, and screams.

Rinoa: Squally!!! How could you! Quistis I thought you were my friend! You _Bitch, _I 

was going to give you a friendship ring! I going back to seifer at least he respect me!

(Rinoa runs away in a hissy fit)

Squall looks around blankly.

Squall: Whatever

Scene two:

Two months later...

Since the "incident" Rinoa ran off to Seifers posse which now include, seifer, Rinoa, 

Selphie, and a stray Moomba. Selphie turned against Squall since Quistis and Irvine ran 

off to Las Vegas. On the other side is Squall, Laguna, Zell and Angelo. Angelo left 

Rinoa because she smelled like hookers crotch. Edea is neutral suppossidly. They each have there own secret base,

uunfourtantly right next to each other. Selphie guards Seifers side and Laguna Squalls. Moomba and Angelo happen to 

be gay lovers and are angry over the split. The scene opens at Edeas Manwhoare Mansion were Moonba and

Angelo in a panicked state.

Moonba: Edea, what are we going to do!? Rinoas pregnant with Seifers baby! What are we going do? What 

are we going to do? What are we going to-(Moonba is stopped by a slap across the face from Angelo)

Edea: Is there a problem with that?

Moonba: But Squall and Rinoa were ment to be together, everyone knows that!

Edea (under her breath): Leather pants, Squall

Moonba: What are we going to do though! (He stops suddenly seeing angelo raise his hand again)

Edea (distracted for a moment as a manwhore walks by): Well you need to get them back together.

Moonba: Quit telling me things I already know, now get in the kitchen and make me a pie! (He jumps on Angelo backs and 

rides away)

Story swichtches to Rinoa and Seifer lying in bed, (Fully clothed. Rinoa attemps to talk to Seifer about their relationship)

Rinoa: Where do you see us in ten years Seify?

Seifer:What? I don't know umm in bed (Rinoa slaps him)

Rinoa: What if I have something important to tell you...  
  


Seifer: Like what?

Rinoa: Umm nothing, lets go to bed.

Story swithches to Squall and Laguna fighting.

Squall: Just because your my father dosen't mean you have any say in what I do. So if I want to go to cid's whoarehouse I 

can. I'm a Seed.

Laguna:Your my son and your so darn awful cute, I care about you. what about that Rinoa girl?

Squall: Rinoa? That whore I heard she was pregnant with seifer's lovechild.

Laguna: But I thought you loved her?

Squall: Quit trying to judge me!( Squall walks away to go to seek her advice)

Story switches to Zell and Selphie talking over the wall.

Selphie: Zell! Stop trying to look down my dress!

Zell: Major PMSing!

Selphie: Well see who's PMSing when I blow up that_ little _thing you call a satisfier between your legs.

(Just then Rinoa walks by)

Zell: Hows are little Mother doing?

Rinoa: What?! How do you know about it?

Zell: A little bird told me

Rinoa: Fuck that Moonba! 

Zell: Imagine what would happen if your little Seify found out.

Rinoa: You Bastard, you wouldn't!

Zell: You bet your sweet ass I will, unless you make Selphie flash me!

Selphie: Rinoa...

Rinoa (in her annoying high pitched voice): Please, Selphie...

Selphie: Do I have to...

Rinoa: Yes!

Selphie: Ok...

(Selphie flashes Zell. His eyes light up and he gose skipping away)

Selphie straitens her self up.

Story switches to Moonba and Angelo, there back at Edeas ManWhore Mansion. Squall bends over to retreve

Edea's pen and she looks longingly at his ass.

Edea: Have you been working out, Squall? ( Edea said while twirling her hair)

Squall: Whatever.

Edea: You don't have to pretend with me, I see the way you look at me.

Squall: Whatever

(Angelo coughs a little bit louder than he has been for the past miniutes)

Edea: Oh, hello. Can I help you?

Moonba: Yea you can get Squall and Rinoa back together (he said cocky)

Squall: What that whore, not if she begged.

Moonba: She _really_ wants to talk to you

Squall: Whatever

(Squall leaves with the Moonba and Angelo)

Story switches to Squall talking to Laguna and Zell.

Squall: Should I really get back together with Rinoa.

Zell: What do we look like, your girlfriends, Gayass. If really like her just wach her just change through the window, works for me with Selphie.

Squall (under his breath): Sick, Fuck.

Laguna: Hows about you and me son have a father to son talk about women.

Squall: Heres my plan, you go distract Selphie by_ any means _and all go sneak in to talk to Rinoa.

Laguna: What about our talk?

Squall: Just leave.

(Laguna leaves to go talk to Selphie)

Selphie: Hi Laguna! (and giggles)

Laguna (Flately): You sure look hot tonight

(Squall gives him a look)

Selphie: I have a big chest. (twiltles her hair)

Laguna(in fake enthusian): how about you and me hit the sack!

Selphie: Sure Sir Laguna! (Scene ends with Selphie all over Laguna, Squall sneaks by in disgust)

(Squall reaches Rinoa's bathroom and hears her crying, he opens the door)

Squall: Whats up?

(Rinoa hugs Squall tightly)

Rinoa: What am I going to do Squally? I'm pregnant with Seifer's baby, I didn't even know we had gone all the way yet!

I love you Squall I just got angry when I saw you and Quistis!

Squall: whoa, whoa, nothing happend between us

Rinoa: It's all right I forgive you.

Squall: Nothing happend!

Rinoa: You to were totally doing it, I think?

Squall: Whatever

Rinoa: Don't make me look elintelligent

Squall: You mean unintelligent

Rinoa: Quit being such a smarty pants!

(Rinoa walks away)

Story switches to an exausted Laguna and Selphie.

Selphie: 14 times, I think that's a record! Tee hee

Laguna ( totally exausted and half dead): Please, more.

Selphie: But I have to get back to my station!

(As Laguna rolls over and Selphie as Zell walks in. chunks of hot dog chunks come flying out of his mouth)

Zell: What the Frick!

Selphie chuckles.

Selphie: Laguna was being a bad boy and I had to teach him a lesson (pulls out her Numchucks, and giggles)

Zell: Everyone get your sorry asses out here.

(Everyone comes running out)

Zell: Now you two(points at Selphie and Laguna) I'm not even going to talk about your age diffrence, my god Selphie it's like 

your screwing your father! And Edea, what's up with your horney ass, drolling at a kid half your age. And Rinoa you Ditz! 

Are you sure your pregnant? You're sure as hell acting PMSy lately.

Seifer: Your _pregnant_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zell: Duhh dip-shit everyones been talking about it for days on end. And Laguana you pansie ass what the hell do you do

everything that your son tells you to do? God dude you were the president of Esthar!Rinoa,Squall(pushing them towards each other) get your sorry asses back toghether!Selphie get your big chest over here now and give me some lovin' I am on this 

adreniline rush and fellin' hot!

Selphie: I never saw this side of you! (Pulls Zell close and kisses him)

(Rinoa and Squall do the same)

(Laguna and Seifer look at each other longingly, but run away at the thought)

(Edea stands there, bows her head and lets out a sad sigh)

THE END

Elle's author note: ok we came up with this on one boring ass day, hope you think it's as funny and disgusting as we did!

FuFuDeville's author note: Wow Elle thoughs past 3 and a half hours just flew by huh? Well first of all I'd like to ask that you 

don't hate me(I saw what happend to Kate). This is my first try at writing fanfic but what is really sad is that I didn't even play

the game.But elle did and since she showed and told me all the main points (and the action figures) we decided to write this.

Look for my writing in the X-Files fanfic(that's my true obbsession). 


	2. Default Chapter Title

One Fantasy to Live: Part Two

Everybody is shocked and surprised when Quistis and Irvine return from their Las Vegas vacation, it was like the icing on the cake. They returned married by the finest Elvis impersonator him self. Since we last saw our hero's they all have shacked up except Laguna, Seifer, and Edea. Story fades in with Irvine and Quistis walking to Garden, which is currently located near Edea's house.

Irvine extremely wasted: Were almost their, husband.

Quistis still very drunk: Yeah, wife. Huhhuu.

They approach the group.

Quistis: Hey lovebirds!

Irvine: I guess we aren't the only ones that have gotten together in the last few days, huh?

Selphie pulls away from Zell.

Selphie: But Irvine I thought…

Irvine: Don't think too hard, your cup size might reduce.

Quistis and Irvine leave laughing.

Zell: What's wrong double stuffed?

Selphie: I can't believe you. Do you care at all about my feelings?

Zell: Is it that time of the month or something?

Selphie: Asshole!

Selphie walks away in a hissy fit.

Story switches to Squall and Rinoa kissing passionately.

Rinoa: What are we going to do Squally, I'm the Sorceress and I'm pregnant with Seifer's baby?

Squall: Well Rinoa, all be your knight.

Rinoa: You used that line already it didn't work then and it didn't work now.

Squall: Do you even know what sex is?

Rinoa: Of course I do silly!

Rinoa leans over to whisper in his ear. Squall walks away laughing.

Rinoa: What did I say?

Story switches to Quistis and Irvine (in the HOT TUB)

Quistis: Irvine, I'm kind of tired I mean most guys would be spent after the 50Th time. Do you think we could take a break?

Irvine: Yeah, I'm kind of tired too. Not to mention I'm starving for some pie.

Quistis gets out of the tub and wraps a towel around her self and then heads down the hall to her room.

Story switches to the Man-Whore Mansion.

Rinoa: Edea, I have a question for you.

Edea: Yes my child?

Rinoa: What's sex?

Edea whispers into her ear.

Rinoa: SAY WHAT!

Edea: What.

Rinoa: Eww, doesn't that hurt?

Edea: The first time, but after that you get used to it.

Rinoa: Well how do I know what to do?

Edea: Do you want to practice on one of my man-whores?

Rinoa: I kind of wanted my first time to be with Squall.

Edea: Say no more, I have the answer to all your problems. Squall look alike, get in here!

Squall look alike walks in wearing nothing but leather HOT PANTS.

Rinoa: I guess I can sort of see the resemblance, but it will still take some imagination for it to work.

Story switches to Selphie caressing a picture of Irvine with her hand.

Selphie: My beloved Irvine, why did you leave me for that Bitch Quistis? What dose she have that I don't except for brains, self-respect, a high paying job, and blonde hair! Ditz!

What she didn't know was Irvine was listening behind a corner.

Seifer comes in and grabs her by her flipped hair.

Selphie: What the hell! Never knew a guy who wanted it that badly!

Seifer: Come with me.

Selphie: I may be stupid, but I don't give it away.

Seifer: Ok listen up you Horny Ditz! I don't think that Gay ass Irvine, are resident hick deserves angelic Quistis, that's _My_ teacher! Now you want him so badly, so here's the plan you and me hook up and make a beautiful phony relationship. Got it?

Selphie: Umm, I guess so.

Seifer and Selphie go off with some Crisco and chains.

Story switches to Zell and Laguna talking.

Laguna: Hah, so Selphie finely dumped you too.

Zell: No she didn't!

Laguna: Then what's this I hear about her and Seifer? Don't have to worry about my son, he found him a good women, that purtie' girl in blue, what's her name?

Zell: Rinoa.

Laguna: Yeah, I think. But hey Selphie dumped your pansy ass.

Zell: Whatever man, but she dumped you first.

Laguna: But did you guys even do it?

Zell: No. So what though?

Laguna starts laughing. Selphie approaches Zell and Laguna.

Zell: There's the double stuffing whore her self.

Selphie: No I don't! Here, go ahead and feel.

Zell feels Selphie up.

Selphie: You can stop now.

Zell: Tease! You could have at least said we did it!

Selphie whips out her Nunchuks and fights Zell off.

Seifer walks by.

Seifer: Chicken-Wuss

Seifer leaves.

Selphie: Hellz no, and have my reputation ruined, fat chance!

Everyone giggles uncontrollably.

Story switches to Squall as Quistis approaches him.

Quistis: You know I look in your eyes and I still think of how much I care for you. You always knew that, didn't you? I feel like you can see right through me.

Squall: Whatever

Quistis: Why Squall, why did nothing ever happen between us?

Squall: You were always there to guide and protect me, like and older sister. I could never think of you that way. Why do you bring this up now anyway?

Quistis: Just forget it Squall! Ok!

Quistis walks away seeking Rinoa.

Story switches to Moomba and Angelo.

Moomba: Hey Angelo, why haven't we been spying on people, or asking too many questions?

Angelo grunts meaning he doesn't know why.

Moomba: Let's get cracking then, after another round or two, k?

Angelo grunts in agreement.

Story switches to Rinoa as Quistis approaches her. 

Rinoa: What's wrong Quistis?

Quistis: What's wrong?! I'm lonely, sad and desperate. The man I love is in love with a total ditz and there's nothing I can do about it!

Rinoa: Oh you mean Irvine is all over Selphie?

Quistis: NO! You and Squall! I can't take it anymore. You're going down Bitch!

Rinoa: What you want to take _My_ man! Want to make something of it?

Quistis: You know it you little Sorceress wannabe! I never liked you even from the start!

Rinoa: Come here and say that!

Irvine walks in with a big smile on his face.

Irvine: CATFIGHT!

Everyone comes running in.

Squall: Whatever.

Zell: Ten Gill on Rinoa!

Irvine: Twenty Gill on Quistis!

Laguna: I'm in!

Quistis jumps at Rinoa, pulling at her hair.

Rinoa: Gonna Bitch slap your ass!

Quistis: Not if I don't get you first!

Rinoa cast Ultima. Quistis falls back. 

Laguna: Damn Sonny, you got your self a feisty one.

Quistis whips Rinoa across her arm, Rinoa screams in pain. 

Rinoa: Hells Judgement!

Quistis struggles in pain.

Quistis: Shockwave Pulsar!

Rinoa: Hah! Is that all Squall's worth to you, you weak Bitch!

Quistis: Come on everybody she's a Sorceress we're SeeDs, it's our destiny to fight her!

Irvine: Sorry, Quistis she's are Commanders girlfriend, can't touch her, but I know Squallys gonna be pissed! 

Quistis: Did you just say Squally? That's it Irvine I'm tired of your bad grammar! I am dumping your hick ass!

Irvine: Ok! 

Quistis casts Megailixer.

Zell: But who won!?

Laguna: Who cares let's go get drunk! 

Story switches to Quistis, Zell, Laguna, Seifer, and Squall. They have all decided to get drunk in FH. Quistis' on her third, Zell's on his fifth, Laguna is about to pass out, Seifer is on his tenth, and Squall is on his second Seltzer water. 

Laguna have way falling off his chair: You know, I used to be great things. President Laguna they'd call me, of the smart country. Yeah, so smart they kicked me out for being incompetent. 

Where's Kiros and Ward now, huh. Yeah, well I have a son, and he's the Commander of Seed.

Laguna stops his rambling and just falls over, finally.

Seifer walks out extremely drunk and disgruntled. 

Zell: Hey Quistis, you look fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinne.

Laguna magically gets up. 

Laguna: Yeah, baby got baack!

Quistis: Hey, I have an idea!

Zell: What, we go do it?

Quistis: Yeah and Laguna can come too.

Quistis giggles, because of the idea that popped up in her head. She led a very drunk Laguna and Zell to a dark closet, and closed the door behind her as she walked away with Laguna and Zell still in the closet. 

Story switches to Selphie, she is crying on top of Irvine's picture, as he walks in.

Selphie: What do you want Irvine?

Irvine bends down on one knee.

Irvine: I heard everything Selphie. I'm so sorry I ever left you. I miss your pre-adolesent smile; your dirt colored hair, your naïve way to you, and your carefree attitude towards everything. I'm a new monogamous man. Please Selphie, I I I lo lo love you!

Selphie: Really Irvy!

Irvine: You bet your chest yes!

Selphie jumps up and puts her legs around Irvine's waist.

Story switches to Rinoa, Zell walks up to her.

Zell: Hey I'm not gay, ok.

Rinoa: Yeah. Zell, I'm not feeling good, could you just leave me alone.

Zell: I'm sorry about what happened that went way too far, ya know.

Rinoa: It isn't your fault Quistis' a Bitch.

Zell: I know, but I'm just sorry you had to go through that.

Rinoa: Thanks Zell.

Zell moves a little closer to Rinoa.

Rinoa: Uhh, really I'm fine now, Zell. 

Zell: Well, just as long as you know I'm here for you.

Zell gets a little closer and puts his arm around Rinoa.

Rinoa: Zell, are you trying to look down my frock!

Rinoa slaps Zell and runs away crying.

Zell yelled after her: I'm always here for you!

Story switches to Squall and Rinoa talking.

Rinoa: I really missed you Squally.

Squall: What would I do with out you. Everyone around here is jacked up.

Rinoa: I have something to confess, my first time was with a man-whore look alike of you.

Squall: Well, I have something to confess too. The man-whore was I.

Rinoa: Really? I was going to confess he was cuter.

Squall puts his hand on his head.

Squall: Whatever.

Just then Selphie runs in.

Selphie: Hey Squall, hey Rinoa. Tee hee, come with me.

Squall: Whatever, Selphie.

Squall and Rinoa follow Selphie to two double doors. They open to darkness, but when the lights go on the room is decorated extremely tacky. In the background Brian McKnight's Back to One is blaring. Everyone sighs except for Rinoa who giggles in delight.

Everyone: Surprise!

Rinoa: Come on Squally, let's dance!

Squall: Stop calling me Squally.

Rinoa drags Squall out to the center and begins slow dancing.

Everyone: Aww, how cute.

Story switches to Seifer talking to Quistis.

Seifer: Why don't we hook up? Your smart, I'm smart, I'm brave, and you have a big chest. It would all work out.

Quistis: 'Cause I'm married, and hate you if you remember the game!

Seifer walks away and bumps into Laguna.

Seifer: This blows, everyone has someone, except for us!

Laguna: Actually, lots of people are alone.

Seifer: I'm a hot stud in my prime and now this!

Laguna: Uhh, yeah. Hey! I have an idea. How about we bring Ultamecia back to life, that bitch was hot! 

Seifer: Not as hot as Jennifer Lopez!

Laguna: Your telling me! But that would teach those lovebirds!

Seifer: Yeah man! Hey, you're ok for Squall's father.

Laguna under his breath: Die Esthar, die for what you did for me!

Story switches to Moomba, Angelo, as Irvine, Selphie, and Zell joins them.

Zell: I'm not gay, even if I did it with Laguna.

Moomba: Could've fooled me.

Zell: Hey Selphie, what do you think of us getting back together?

Selphie: No, but how about a three some?

Zell: Deal!

Selphie, Irvine and Zell go off.

Story switches to Squall and Rinoa, they are finally alone.

Squall: What?! Your pregnant with my baby!!!!!!!!!!

****

Elle's Author note: After revising this story for the last few hours I can say I'm finely satisfied with it. Oh yeah there's gonna be a third one!

****

FuFuDevile's Author note: We spent like three hours acting this out with the action figures, and it was even funnier then, plus we did more with them. (Don't get any ideas) Yeah, and Elle wouldn't let me completely destroy the characters. Now that would have been entertainment. Hey I understand though I'd really get really pissed if somebody did that to the X-Files. 


	3. Default Chapter Title

One Fantasy to Live: The Final Installment 

We find our hero's still at Selphie's surprise party. Rinoa and Squall are discussing such matters, Seifer and Laguna still want to resurrect Ultamecia, Zell and Irvine's drink were spiked and they are now acting really Gay. Moomba and Angelo are dead, because well they had too much lovin'. Edea is left alone and is the only somewhat levelheaded person. 

Scene opens to Rinoa and Squall (Where we left them last time)

Rinoa: I'm positive, ok! Blue stripe!

Squall: Let me see that!

Rinoa magically pulls out a plain looking pink box.

Rinoa: Here read!

Squall reads the box for five minutes shaking his head.

Rinoa: Squally, God! What the hell are we going to do? You promised my father you were going to take care me, and now this.

Squall: I did, didn't I?

Rinoa: For the whole TWO MINUTES!

Squall: Whatever

Scene switches to Laguna and Seifer, drunk off there asses. They still want to resurrect Ultamecia. Laguna, remembering scenes from Practical Magic instructs Seifer on what to do.

Laguna: You put the lime in the coconut, and now dance around the table!

Seifer: Are you sure this is how you resurrect Ultamecia?

Laguna answers struggling with the video camera: Yes! Now shut up and dance.

All of a sudden a loud explosion comes from behind them.

Both turn around seeing Ultamecia, wearing gray sweat pants and a shirt that says, "Players 69"

At the same time Laguna and Seifer shout while hugging and jumping up and down: Yeah! We did it!

Ultamecia: Not really, it just seemed like a really desperate kry for help. Kurse all SeeDs!

Laguna: My back itches.

Ultamecia: Aren't you going to even ask me how I got here? Plus you have to prove your selves to me! Kurse all SeeDs!

Seifer: Not unless I get to wear those leather HOT PANTS that Squall wore!

Laguna: And how would you know about this?

Seifer: I have my connections… 

Ultamecia: Excuse me, all-powerful Sorceress here! Kurse all SeeDs!

Laguna: Have we proven our selves yet?

Ultamecia: Fine, here are some magical HOT PANTS that will bind you as my slaves, beyond your imagining. Kurse all SeeDs!

Story switches to Selphie, Quistis, and Rinoa. They are picking out wallpaper for the "BABYROOM."

Selphie: I like this shade of white, how about you?

Rinoa: They're exactly the same! My child is going to grow up to be exactly like Squall! At my house it wouldn't be like this. At the Mansion it could have blue or pink, or even pea green is better than this!

Quistis under her breath: Then GO back to the Mansion. Hyne knows I could take care of Squall…

Rinoa: Did you say something Quistis?

Quistis: Uh yeah, you go girl…

Selphie: What about this Rubber Ducky?

Rinoa: They're exactly the same!

Selphie: No, this one's name is Jimmy. The rest of are named Billy-Bob!

Rinoa: Ok then, put "Jimmy" in the basket and let's get out of here.

Scene switches to Zell as he bumps into Irvine

Zell: Hey HOT stuff, how's it hanging?

Irvine: I'm super! Thanks for asking!

Zell: Gotta go, I'm a fill in towel boy for the male SeeD swim meet today!

Irvine: You Lucky Ducky!

Zell: Well then I'm outie! 

Zell crosses his fingers.

Zell: Wish me luck!

Irvine: I will sister! Call me if you need any help, k!

Scene switches to Moomba and Angelo's funeral. Edea is the only one to show.

Some priest guy: Dearly beloved, you have gathered here today to mourn the death of Moomba and Angelo. For $4.95 a minute. Hope you enjoy!

Four go-go dancers prance around the graves singing Amazing Grace. Edea wipes away a tear.

Scene switches to Laguna and Seifer carrying Ultamecia on their backs.

Ultamecia: And after this you kan pay for my manicure and after that we kan go shopping. While I shop, you guys can go shop around for expensive jewelry fighting to win my hand. Kurse all SeeDs!

Laguna: But I already have my own hand.

Ultamecia: Quiet you! Kurse all SeeDs!

Seifer: Can I come with you to shop? 

Ultamecia: Did I give you permission to speak? Kurse all SeeDs!

Seifer: No, you're most beautifully HOT CHICA under forty who can pull off any outfit she so damn well pleases to. Who is our Goddess and more powerful than that skanky hoe bitch Rinoa. Whose name I curse.

Ultamecia: You better recognize! Kurse all SeeDs!

Selphie walks in on their little get together.

Selphie: Ultamecia, my Hero!

Ultamecia: Who dares disturb me! Kurse all SeeDs!

Selphie: I can quit being a SeeD… If I can dress like you?

Seifer and Laguna smile. 

Ultamecia: Very well my child, you will become my apprentice! Kurse all SeeDs!

Selphie: Finally I'll get some respect! 

Scene switches to Rinoa and Squall.

Rinoa: So what do you think?

Squall: Whatever…

Rinoa: God Squall are you going to be a part of this child's life? Or am I going to have to move back home with my father!

Squall: Listen, It's very nice, but I have a lot of things to do. And there's just a lot of pressure on me now, now that I'm a teen father.

Rinoa: YOU HAVE A LOT OF PRESSURE! I am carrying a fucking baby! Top that Mr. Priorities. 

Squall hugs Rinoa. 

Scene changes to Quistis and Irvine.

Quistis: So Irvine, I was thinking you and I could go out sometime, yeah.

Irvine: Go shopping? I saw a pair of stripe heels that would just look divine on you!

Quistis: Umm…Ok… Who's your favorite singer?

Irvine: Well Barbara of course. But I have to say second there is a tie between Diana Ross and Shaka Kahn! Why do you ask silly?

Zell walks in.

Zell: Oh Quistis! I just got the latest issue of Vogue, and I found the cutest Drew Barrymore inspired look!

Irvine: Yeah! The one with the daisies! That would precious on that doll face like yours!

Quistis: Are you on drugs, or something?

Irvine: I don't know? But the pink punch sure added a kick in my step! 

Quistis under her breath: God dame Seifer, he turned Irvy gay!

Zell: Yeah, come to think of it I have been acting kind of strange lately!

Quistis: Whatever Zell, umm Irvine come with me…

Zell whimpered: But, but, but what am I gonna do?

Quistis: Go find Selphie; I heard she was handing out with Ultamecia or something.

Zell goes off confused and seeks Selphie out. He stumbles into Laguna carrying a whole bunch of bags.

Zell, in tears: W-w-where's Selphie?

Laguna: All tell you if you carry all the bags, deal?

Zell: Ok!

Laguna leads a struggling Zell to Ultamecia's big scary castle thing. Zell starts to shake and drops a Banana Republic bag. The big intimidating doors open. (Party's common sense and reason are sealed)

Zell: B-b-but I never had common sense and reason to begin with.

Laguna: Shut up! If she hears you your gonna be in deep shit!

Zell: O-o-o-ok.

Zell and Laguna make their way to that place were they fought Ultamecia to begin with. They open to find Ultamecia and Selphie waiting for them. Selphie is dressed in a lace purple almost see through dress, her hair is up in a silver crown. 

Selphie: Tee hee! Now I finally have respect!

Zell: You wish!

Selphie: Did I say you could talk?

Zell: And what are you going to do about it?

Laguna: I have to go to the bathroom…

Selphie: Now that me and Ultamecia are in charge all men shall be forced to live underground making everything for us Goddess'. And will be casterized! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Zell: Don't you mean Ultamecia and I?

Selphie: You heard me!

Zell: Where's Seifer? 

Ultamecia: He is going through the operation right now! Kurse all SeeDs

Selphie: And you my little Zell will be next! Tee Hee!

Zell: But what about Laguna?

Selphie: He was so small that we figured it wouldn't really make that much of a difference.

Zell tries to run away, but is stopped by an invisible force field. 

Scene switches to Irvine and Quistis, in bed.

Quistis: See now, you aren't gay?

Irvine: Who said I was?

Quistis: But I thought…

Irvine: You thought what? 

Quistis: Damn, five minutes of you and you're not even gay! I knew I was easy, but I thought I had some self-respect!

Irvine: Damn straight!

Scene switches to Rinoa and Squall at a doctor's office, Rinoa is laying on the table, Dr. Kadowaki standing to the side.

Dr. Kadowaki: Are you two an item?

Squall: Well… 

Rinoa: WHAT! God Dammit Squall if I wasn't strapped down to this table your ass would be grass!

Dr. Kadowaki: Oh I see, feisty!

Squall: I know…

Rinoa: So what are the results?

Dr. Kadowaki: You want the good news first, or the bad news?

Squall: Good news.

Dr. Kadowaki: Well I don't know if you would consider this bad news or good news…

Rinoa: God dammit just spit it out!

Dr. Kadawaki: Ok, ok. Here goes… The good news is, you are not 'positive'!

Squall: And…

Dr. Kadawaki: But I didn't know if that was good or bad news so I would be able to swing it both ways…

Dr. Kadowaki and Squall walk away to celebrate.

Rinoa: Little help! Please…

Scene switches to Ultamecia and Selphie watching 'Boys on the Side' and snuggling closely. 

Selphie: So Ulty what do ya want to do now? Tee Hee!

Ultamecia: We can go back in the back… Kurse all SeeDs!

They are both interrupted by Irvine who was trying to find Selphie found this display of grossness

Irvine: Oh, two for the price of one.

Selphie: Say what?!

Ultamecia: Ewww a man. Get him and casterize him like the others. Kurse all seeds. Lets go my little buttercup. Kurse all seeds.

Irvine: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Not my manhood the only thing I have going for me other than my smile, dear Hyne, noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Selphie: HaHa Tee Hee.

Scene switches to Squall, Rinoa, and Quistis.

Quistis: Where the hell is everyone?

Rinoa: I have no idea, go get me some food. Pickles and rocky road ice cream preferred. Dill pickles if possible.

Squall: Okay sweetie.

Rinoa: Quit babying me, now feed me damnit. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Quistis: Okay but where do you think that everyone is?

Rinoa: I don't know I heard this rumor that two dipshits were gonna try and resurrect Ultamecia.

Quistis: I don't believe it not even Seifer and Laguna are stupid enough to do that.

Rinoa: You don't know Seifer the way that I do.

Squall walks back in holding the food.

Squall: WHAT!?

Rinoa: Quistis explain it to him I don't have the energy.

Quistis: We were talking about how stupid Seifer is.

Squall: Oh that's all good.

Rinoa: Ugh.

Quistis: Then we got on the subject of that special summer.

Squall: Damnit you know I mean I'm gone for what 4 seconds and already you're talking about that fuck. Hyne Rinoa.

Quistis: So as I've been saying all along where the hell is the rest of our posse.

Rinoa: Hey I have a good idea let's go to Ultamecia's castle after Squall goes out and gets me a few things.

Squall: Ugh no okay Rinoa your gonna get fat.

Rinoa: I'm supposed to get fat you dipshit. 

Rinoa backslaps Squall as he leaves the room.

Quistis: Now that he's gone where were we?

Rinoa: HE didn't know which hole it went it.

Quistis: WHAT?

Rinoa: No not like _that_, he didn't know which hole to put the nozzle into for putting in gasoline. My car broke down. What good is a man if he can't fix your BMW that daddy just bought?

Quistis: I know. Anyway how far did you go?

Rinoa: Not very far my car was broken down silly!

Quistis: Ugh forget it.

Squall returns with a bag of food.

Squall: Okay lets go!

Quistis, Rinoa and Squall are standing at the gates of Ultamecia's castle. Since we last saw Zell he has been casterized, Laguna still stands patiently attending to Ultamecia's and Selphie's every will. Seifer has mysteriously disappeared. They enter and are greeted by Laguna dressed in Lederhosen.

Laguna: I am here to serve Ultamecia's every will. I am not worthy I am a speck of dirt that deserves what ever I get. Treat me how ever you feel, I will do anything you want, I bow down and beg for forgiveness for all my sins of being a man. 

Laguna rambles on forever.

Squall: Whatever.

Quistis: Nice Lederhosen.

Rinoa: I'm hungry!

Quistis: Look, just show us to Ultamecia's skanky ho sorry bitch ass!

Laguna: Your wish is my command oh great Goddess who I worship!

Laguna bends down in homage.

Squall: Stop it! Get up!

Laguna gets up and leads them to Ultamecia. Ultamecia is listening to Melissa Etheridge and watching LIFETIME, television for women. Selphie's painting Ultamecia's toenails Cherry spice red. Zell is crying in a corner after watching Notting Hill. Seifer shows up out of the blue and runs up to Ultamecia.

Seifer: Thank you! I see the light now that you have casterized me!

Ultamecia: Bow down before me, for you are next. Kurse all SeeDs!!!!!!!

Ultamecia points down at Squall.

Rinoa: NOOO!!! Nobody touches my SQUALL, BITCH. Prepare to meet your demise. Angel Wing! 

Rinoa sprouts magical Angel Wings. She waves her hand and Ultamecia disappears.

Rinoa: Ha!

Squall: Why didn't you do that before?

Rinoa: Well I was just so tired, but when she threatened to take away your manhood that was the last straw!

Squall and Rinoa wrap each other in a tight embrace. All of a sudden he hears a buzzing in the distance and everything goes black. He wakes up in Rinoa's embrace.

Squall: What, what happened?

Rinoa: You had a bad nightmare.

Squall: Where am I?

Rinoa: The Ultamecia Museum. You said you wanted to go, everyone else is here too. You got knocked out when Zell passed you the camera. I was really worried.

Squall: So it was all a dream….

THE END

For once and for all!

**Elle's Author Note: **Hehe, it's finally over. Yes everything is back to normal; it was just a funny ass sick dream that could only come from Squall. And yes they did make a museum for Ultamecia, lame asses they would. Umm, yeah this was fun and I would like to thank my co-author FuFu Deville, without her sick mind this wouldn't be possible. Though I did think of a lot of stuff to dang nabbit. Hope you enjoyed and I hope you give us some reviews!

**FuFu Deville: **Damn straight I have a sick mind, if it were my choice it would've been a whole lot worse but noooooooooo Elle wouldn't have it oh well. I would have had the Moomba have a special power to see if a woman was having her period or not. I also would have had a lot more sexual innuendos not to mention a lot more whoring oh well Elle actually has respect for things unlike me who can diss everything, even old people falling down, I can't help it, it's funny when you have a mind like mine. Well anyways that's all I have to say. Byers!!!!!!!!!JKurse all SeeDs.


End file.
